A slight reflection

Last month I got to take part in something amazing. I got to see my best friend marry the man of her dreams. I didn't just get to sit there and watch it, I got to stand by her side and walk with her. I held her hand and hug her when she needed it. I helped her into her beautiful dress, and cried when I saw her Husbands face as he watched her be walked down the path by her mom and dad.

When the vows were said, I got to walk her giant dress back down the path and help her into the getaway suburban. I was a horrible maid of honor.  I didn't plan any games for her bridal shower. The club we were supposed to go to for her bachelorette party gave away our reservation. I cried during my speech when I promised her that I wouldn't. I didn't tell her when the best man was over an hour late. And I didn't go and buy my shoes until two days before the wedding.

But I was there.

And now, just 30 days later. I'm sitting in my new home, with my amazing fiancee and our children while she and her husband are sitting at OHSU. You see, her husband has pancreatic cancer. And he's fighting so hard. And she's putting on a brave face. Because the truth is, she is the strongest person I've ever met in my life. She is my best friend. Her family has been an example to me in all of the best ways. How to love, how to stand strong, and the true meaning of family.

She has had a year that I can't imagine. Her dad was ill. We took Salem hospital by storm. Her entire family and extended family. We took turns holding his hand, taking care of the babies, and taking care of each other. Most of the time it was just sitting in the waiting room, playing the Big Bang Theory board game and telling stories. Just after that hospital stay, he lost a part of his foot.

It was that week that Matthew proposed.

(I'll let you all in on a little secret. I knew he was going to propose long before this. She told me back in February when we went to a Blazer game. But I still pretended to be surprised.)

On September 8th, I got to watch him and her mom walk her to her future..

Today her family has once again flocked to the hospital. Matthew.s cancer isn't getting any better. I feel helpless. The best I can do is be here when she needs me. And I suppose that is exactly what she needs.

She comes from a large family where everyone is in everyone elses business. She always knows that I'm here when she needs an ear, a hug and some food.

I know that she knows she can call me whenever she needs to. I'll be here for her. I'll always help her stand up when she's afraid, to hold her hand when she needs some comfort, and to feed her whatever she wants because Taco Bell isn't suitable unless drunk.

But until that phone call comes, I feel useless. I'll stay at home and pray and cook. It is, after all, what I do best.

I am thankful that our friendship goes both ways. She has been there for me when I didnt' even know I needed her.